Robert Mugabe Funny Quotes

Robert Mugabe Funny Quotes

Former Prime Minister of Zimbabwe, late Robert Gabriel Mugabe was well known for being brutally honest and bold as he never fails or fears to speak his mind whenever World leaders are gathered in meetings such as the UN General Assembly. But in spite of that, the late Prime minister was hilarious and was blessed with a great sense of humor and never failed to give the crowd a good laugh with his funny quotes.

Here are his funniest quotes.

(1)

You bought her a really nice gift last year on valentine’s day and she said she cannot find words to thank you. So my brother, buy her a dictionary this year.

(2)

If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because we don’t walk around with Xrays.

(3)

If You’re in love with more than one person, then what’s inside you is no longer a heart, it’s a memory card.

(4)

Some girls have never seen the doors of a gym but look physically fit because of running from one man to another.

(5)

Your Pastor has 6 bodyguards and you only have his sticker on your car to protect you. My Friend is your brain paining you?

Your Pastor has 6 bodyguards and you only have his sticker on your car to protect you. My Friend is your brain paining you?

(6)

Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on another end

Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on another end.

(7)

Dear Ladies! Don't advertise your man if he is not advertising you. If he is acting single, Sweetheart act like a widow, life is too short to be fooled.

Dear Ladies! Don’t advertise your man if he is not advertising you. If he is acting single, Sweetheart act like a widow, life is too short to be fooled.

(8)

Living in the ghetto is hard. Even when your favourite team scores, you don't scream cause the thieves will know that you have a TV.

Living in the ghetto is hard. Even when your favorite team scores, you don’t scream cause the thieves will know that you have a TV.

(9)

Sometimes you look back at the girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realize witchcraft is real

Sometimes you look back at the girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realize witchcraft is real.

(10)

Nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship with a broke man who is extremely good in bed.

Nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship with a broke man who is extremely good in bed.

(11)

Even Satan wasn't gay, he approached naked Eve instead of naked Adam.

Even Satan wasn’t gay, he approached naked Eve instead of naked Adam.

(12)

It is every man's dream to remove a woman's pant one day but not when it's on a drying line.

It is every man’s dream to remove a woman’s pant one day but not when it’s on a drying line.

(13)

In Africa, the only warning they take seriously is 'Low Battery'

In Africa, the only warning they take seriously is ‘Low Battery’.

(13)

If a guy dumps you or breaks your heart, take his phone and leave. Call his mother and tell her he's dead. You can't be crying alone girl. She must also feel the pain for not raising him well.

If a guy dumps you or breaks your heart, take his phone and leave. Call his mother and tell her he’s dead. You can’t be crying alone girl. She must also feel the pain for not raising him well.

(14)

No girl will choose six packs over six cars. So stop going to the gym and go to work!

No girl will choose six packs over six cars. So stop going to the gym and go to work!

(15)

If all women in the world decide to pause sex until the cure for AIDS is found, men would find the cure within 30 days.

(16)

If you are a married man and you find yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform.

If you are a married man and you find yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform.

(17)

We are living in a generation where people "in love" are free to touch each others private parts but cannot touch each others phones because they are private

We are living in a generation where people “in love” are free to touch each others private parts but cannot touch each others phones because they are private.

(18)

Africans have no time to rest, even after dying they have to work as ancestors.

Africans have no time to rest, even after dying they have to work as ancestors.

(19)

Instead of feeding the 5000 hungry people like what Jesus did, today's Prophets are being fed by the 5000 hungry people.

Instead of feeding the 5000 hungry people like what Jesus did, today’s Prophets are being fed by the 5000 hungry people.

(20)

Dating many girls is just a way of confusing your enemies from attacking your main girl. But ladies will not understand this strategy.

Dating many girls is just a way of confusing your enemies from attacking your main girl. But ladies will not understand this strategy.

(21)

You have 11 boyfriends but you are asking God to bless your relationship. Please stop saying that and ask God to bless your team.

You have 11 boyfriends but you are asking God to bless your relationship. Please stop saying that and ask God to bless your team.

(22)

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberry phones, rub one ball and everything moves.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberry phones, rub one ball and everything moves.

(23)

Most African women do not want to go the Olympic games in Brazil because they are afraid of meeting the owners of their hair

Most African women do not want to go the Olympic games in Brazil because they are afraid of meeting the owners of their hair.

(24)

It is better for a man to be stingy with his money because he hustled it than for a woman to deny you a hole that she didn't even drill.

It is better for a man to be stingy with his money because he hustled it than for a woman to deny you a hole that she didn’t even drill.

(25)

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Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.

(26)

Every time you visit your boyfriend, his phone is always on airplane mode. My sister are you dating a pilot?

Every time you visit your boyfriend, his phone is always on airplane mode. My sister are you dating a pilot?

(27)

Girls with hairy armpits but shaved eyebrows. Sister what's your plan? Shifting cultivation or bush fallowing?

Girls with hairy armpits but shaved eyebrows. Sister what’s your plan? Shifting cultivation or bush fallowing?

(28)

In Africa you need connection to have almost everything. Connection to get into school, to get a job an also to get rice and drinks at ceremonies.

In Africa you need connection to have almost everything. Connection to get into school, to get a job an also to get rice and drinks at ceremonies.

(29)

I really respect stone age men who invented important shit. They had naked women around and yet they were focused enough to do something.

I really respect stone age men who invented important shit. They had naked women around and yet they were focused enough to do something.

(30)

Some girls will be like "I want a man who can protect me", but they have rejected over 10 security guards. My sister who do you really want? A padlock seller?

Some girls will be like “I want a man who can protect me”, but they have rejected over 10 security guards. My sister who do you really want? A padlock seller?

(31)

Your parents are still alive and together but when you are being asked "who is your favorite couple?" your answer is "Beyoncé and Jay Z", all you need is a high five on your face.

Your parents are still alive and together but when you are being asked “who is your favorite couple?” your answer is “Beyoncé and Jay Z”, all you need is a high five on your face.

(32)

Witchcraft is when you bring a new hot girlfriend to your hood and all street are empty.

Witchcraft is when you bring a new hot girlfriend to your hood and all street are empty.

(33)

Some boys can unhook a bra in 2 seconds but takes 10 minutes to find the book of Malachi.

Some boys can unhook a bra in 2 seconds but takes 10 minutes to find the book of Malachi.

(34)

My Child, instead of dating him because he pays the rent, have you considered dating the landlord directly.

My Child, instead of dating him because he pays the rent, have you considered dating the landlord directly.

(35)

Mary was a virgin and she married a carpenter (Joseph). You are not a virgin and you are waiting for a billionaire to marry you? I will not say anything.

Mary was a virgin and she married a carpenter (Joseph). You are not a virgin and you are waiting for a billionaire to marry you? I will not say anything.

(36)

Nobody is more humble than someone coming to borrow you money. They can even start by greeting your dog "Hey Rambo, You barked well Yesterday".

Nobody is more humble than someone coming to borrow you money. They can even start by greeting your dog “Hey Rambo, You barked well Yesterday”.

(37)

Journalist: Mr. President, when are you wishing the people of Zimbabwe farewell? Mugabe: Where are they going?

Journalist: Mr. President, when are you wishing the people of Zimbabwe farewell? Mugabe: Where are they going?

(38)

Some of the girls today can't even jog for 5 minutes but they expect a guy to last in bed for 2 hours? Your selfishness demands a one week crusade.

Some of the girls today can’t even jog for 5 minutes but they expect a guy to last in bed for 2 hours? Your selfishness demands a one week crusade.

(39)

Ladies, you know you are ugly when you pass a construction site and the men continue doing their job

Ladies, you know you are ugly when you pass a construction site and the men continue doing their job.

(40)

It's hard to bewitch African girls these days. Each time you take a piece of their hair to a witch doctor, either an innocent Brazilian woman gets hurt, or a factory in India catches fire.

It’s hard to bewitch African girls these days. Each time you take a piece of their hair to a witch doctor, either an innocent Brazilian woman gets hurt, or a factory in India catches fire.

(41)

If you can shave your eyebrows completely and redraw them with an eye pencil, don't ask for money to do your hair, you can equally shave your head bald and draw the weave of your choice.

If you can shave your eyebrows completely and redraw them with an eye pencil, don’t ask for money to do your hair, you can equally shave your head bald and draw the weave of your choice.

(42)

God is the best inventor ever. He took a rib from a man and created a loud speaker.

God is the best inventor ever. He took a rib from a man and created a loud speaker.

(43)

You want to be wise and you are dating only one girl. Is that what King Solomon did?

You want to be wise and you are dating only one girl. Is that what King Solomon did?

(44)

So you caught your boyfriend sleeping with another girl because you denied him sex and you have the guts to say he is cheating? My sister you are very wicked and selfish. So if the electricity company refuses to give us electricity we should not use generators?

So you caught your boyfriend sleeping with another girl because you denied him sex and you have the guts to say he is cheating? My sister you are very wicked and selfish. So if the electricity company refuses to give us electricity we should not use generators?

(45)

Respect pregnant women because it's not easy walking around with evidence that you've had sex.

Respect pregnant women because it’s not easy walking around with evidence that you’ve had sex.

(46)

If she removes both her jeans and her panties at the same time by herself. My brother use a condom.

If she removes both her jeans and her panties at the same time by herself. My brother use a condom.

(47)

Some women's legs are like rumors, they keep on spreading.

Some women’s legs are like rumors, they keep on spreading.

(48)

My dear ladies, please don't buy a selfie stick when your armpit itself needs a shaving stick.

My dear ladies, please don’t buy a selfie stick when your armpit itself needs a shaving stick.

(49)

One day the trumpet will sound, the whole world will go for judgement. Only Nigeria will not hear because of generator sound.

One day the trumpet will sound, the whole world will go for judgement. Only Nigeria will not hear because of generator sound.

(50)

You borrow $20 from your wife and then after two days you give her $150 without saying anything. She will still ask for the $20 you borrowed from her. "Honey, the $20 wasn't mine, the owner is seriously disturbing me". The world is not funny without women I tell you.

You borrow $20 from your wife and then after two days you give her $150 without saying anything. She will still ask for the $20 you borrowed from her. “Honey, the $20 wasn’t mine, the owner is seriously disturbing me”. The world is not funny without women I tell you.

 

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