No Put mouth for Husband and wife matter! Mama Tope Learnt the hard way!
Our compound is a world on its own, everything exists in chaos from daybreak till nightfall. The compound houses several people in it, there was the lovey-dovey couple that lived in the flat in the backyard, they are called Mr. and Mrs. Akpan. There is brother Bode who lives in the first room from the front, he is a taxi driver and also the compound’s peacemaker. Aunty Ronke, a spinster who was unlucky with men, was also Mr. Akpan’s secret girlfriend, she stays in the room next room after Brother Bode’s own. Then there lives Mrs. Kosoko, a woman with countless numbers of children, and her useless husband Mr. Kosoko who was also a drunkard and a womanizer. Then there is me, a university student and a disk jockey, I also serve as the compound’s party planner.
This very morning we woke up to the noise of commotion which was nothing unusual in our compound, coming from Aunty Ronke’s room that had everyone rushing outside to witness the scene. There stood the lovey-dovey couple fighting in front of Aunty Ronke’s door, the wife had caught the husband sneaking into the other room after he had lied to her that he wanted to go buy
KoKo(popularly known as pap) from the woman who hawks them every morning.
The wife trailed him and caught him knocking on Aunty Ronke’s door, then she (Aunty Ronke) opened the door and about to pull him in holding him in her arms when the wife had pounced on them
” Ashewo(prostitute), Gboko Gboko(husband snatcher)” Mrs. Akpan had shouted continuously hitting Aunty Ronke
“No be me say to make you no hold your husband tight o” Returned Aunty Ronke.
“You still dey get mouth talk, you husband snatcher, wait for me”
Mrs. Akpan ran to the backyard to pick something and soon came rushing with a cutlass she wanted to strike Aunty Ronke with. Aunty Ronke quickly ran inside and slammed the door, securing the locks, while Mr. Akpan ran outside to the front of the house.
“Ronke, open this door if e sure for you now” shouted Mrs. Akpan
“If you know say them born you well open this door, if I no use this cutlass strike you down, call me bastard” said Mrs Akpan as she continued pounding on the door.
Aunty Ronke kept shouting from her room, telling her to do her worse.
Mama Tope, the popular chatterbox neighbor, had heard the noise and had come rushing into the compound to witness the drama before it ended so she could give the full gist to every other person that cared to ask about it.
When she arrived, she asked Mrs Akpan about what happened which she wasted no time telling her about it, both of them then joined hands to bang Aunty Ronke’s door with the aim of tearing it down, when they had banged and had no success with breaking into the room, they soon became exhausted.
Mama Tope then asked Mrs. Akpan to go attack her husband instead, she quickly rushed outside to where her husband was Mr. Akpan saw his wife hurrying outside and rushed to hide behind Brother Bode using him as a shield against her.
“You this useless man, of all the ladies in the world to sneak and meet, na that useless old cargo Ronke you could go and meet ehn”
“Two corpses are going to meet God today oo and it’s your own and my own, I must kill you today, useless man”
She tried to get to her husband while Mama Tope also tried to push Mr. Akpan from behind and drag him to where his wife was, but he stood firmly behind Brother Bode as he tried to wrestle the cutlass off Mrs. Akpan’s hands.
While this was going on, the rest of the tenants hung around at the other side of the compound, watching the commotion, laughing and chattering amongst ourselves.
Brother Bode eventually got the cutlass off Mrs. Akpan, he tried calming her down but Mama Tope told her not to agree, when he became wary of mama Tope’s act of making matters worse, he pulled her out of the compound, locked the gate and then walked back to take Mrs Akpan back to her flat, while they walked away she shouted in fury for the last time, threatening to kill her husband if he dared come into the house.
Later that evening, after everyone had returned from their various daily destinations, we met the couples hugging and laughing at the backyard eating suya(beef) from a big bowl, Suya was Mrs Akpan’s favorite and we knew that was also her weak point which her husband never ceases to use to win her back whenever they had a fight.
Mama Tope had come to poke nose and inquire about the morning issue, when she met them sitting outside laughing, she stood there shocked but still went on to ask Mrs Akpan about it.
“Ehn ehn Mrs Akpan, Good evening o”
“Good evening, mama Tope”
“Ah ah, I can see that you people are no longer fighting again”
“Abi o, husband and wife suppose no dey fight na”
“Ehn ehn, so you mean you don forget wetin your husband do for you this morning just like that? You be good woman o” mama tope said sarcastically
“Wetin you dey try talk Mama Tope”
“I be think say, you suppose no accept nonsense na, you suppose show am pepper”
“Wetin be your own?” Said Mr. Akpan in rising fury
“Ah, Nothing o”
“E be like say you no well, ehn? Set in concern you self inside our matter, shey na you be the wife abi na you be the husband for the matter?”
“Chai, no vex o, na Mrs Akpan I just dey feel for o”
“Who send you feeling to dey feel, I tell you say make you dey feel for me?”
“Haba, no be you dey threaten say you be wan kill your husband this morning because you catch am for another woman room?”
“I say I no dey kill am again, na your kill?”
“Mama Tope, if you know wetin good for you, comot from here now now or else na that same cutlass we go use strike you down today” said Mr Akpan rushing to the back of the house.
Mama Tope quickly regretted poking her nose into their matter and rushed out of the compound as fast as her legs could carry her.
Everyone of us laughed at the display, this was one of the reasons nobody interferes when the couples have their usual tiff, they always made up every evening on a plate of suya and usually made the one who supports either of them apologize for intervening in their issues also coupled with the insults the person will receive from them. This was why we call them our compound lovey-dovey couple.